Donation Disrupter Pillows

Blood Donors Wanted at Black Pudding Store.

"Strawman argument terrorises conversation... News at eleven."

Business leader to group: 'Who's making the donkey sounds?'

"Here's what you wanted – a strategy to live abundantly, build capital, surpass your peers and disappoint your heirs."

"Move, Gary."

A Successful Wedding Party Returns From the Hunt

'I don't know what happened. He was hired as a consultanat, but he evolved into a kibitzer.'

I'm just saying he picked a hell of a time to have a Susan Boyle moment.

'She wishes.'

'I don't want to ride you, Hawthorne, but I'd say you've got a serious attitude problem.'

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz - 'How did my life get this dull?'

"Who will admit to folding the printout into a paper airplane?"

"Pawn to King Four."

"You must be the new guy!"

"If this guy doesn't wrap it up real soon, I'll reflect sunlight off my watch and set off the sprinklers."

'They tried to GAG her but they can NEVER stop her 'dance of neglect on the ward'!'

'Would you kindly not trumpet and simply say 'aye'?'

The board meeting was quite dignified until somebody started a pie chart fight.

"I consider myself to be a counterproductive member of society."

A man exits his house to a clapboard.

'I didn't know I was going to sneeze.'

"How about one-ish? I love the way it sounds."

"Hi, I'm on the train."

"I left my boring dividends to fool around with capital appreciation."

'When you're finished laughing, perhaps you'll let me finish the joke.'

Occupy crunch

'The people can rest assured this committee is comprised of seasoned legislators...for the most part.'

A dictator makes a speech, about to be doused with water.

"That's the first time he's ever done anything spontaneous!"

TV Kill

"Before I give you this donation I want to know what percent will go toward actual programs."