Domestic Routine Gifts

We never go out anymore.

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

'That was fun!'

"The dryer giveth and the dryer taketh away."

The Missing Sock Returns

When laundry ruled the waves.

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

Back to work...

Future garbage truck driver.

"Drunk, yet orderly"

"AHHHH, MORNING!"

"Ideas that jump from noggin when head not yet screwed on."

Kitchen Tetris

"My favorite way to start the day...coffee, danish, and a data dump."

Neighbor Leaf Wars

Bird Tweet.

"Looks like Harriet mixed her lights and darks again."

When Shakespeare gets up early, on the wrong side of the bed of a stranger, and in a clown suit... Later that same day, he will commence work on 'The Comedy of Errors.'"

Fear of news.

Woman simutaneously playing the cello and washing man in bath's back

'Ahhhh?I love the smell of a staff meeting in the morning!'

Tired Barbie

"Great coffee, Carole."

French Early Bird

Toothbrush Romance

Alarmistclock

Have you got your make up on yet?

'Would you like a push Dear?'

"You get back here this minute, young man! You're not going anywhere until you clean your room!"

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

'There's an app you can program to delete your trash? I've had one for years called Dave.'

1,572 Performances.

"Lemme guess: You're struggling with the French press again."

Business man sees himself as a shark