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'Can we talk about this, Mother?'

"Stop staring!"

"Don't you dare look at me that way! You won't guilt me into cleaning today!"

"Goodbye George, but use the back door. The plumber has arrived."

'...com'on...where's my tea woman...chop chop!'

The Rude Butler.

'Oh Jeremy, how many times must I tell you...If you insist on smoking, either open the window or go outside.'

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

Wedding Day Itinerary.

Cut!

"Hey, remember a few days ago, when all this was unacceptable?"

Goldfish bowl on raft...

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

"We're never going to resolve this if you won't get your own sword."

A little bird told me...

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

'I asked Will if he wrote it. He said he wasn't sure.'

"Ok, Ok! The ball wasn't out!"

"Here's the deal, boys. We need to see a little more bickering. We're doing a Reality Show."

"My only love sprung from my only hate!"

Shakespeare. Hamlet. Romeo and Juliet. "To be or not to be, that is the question". "We are such stuff …As dreams are made of …" "What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other word would small as sweet." That Shakespeare guy had some neat sound bites.

Marriage a la Mode - Death of the Earl.

Illustrations of Shakespeare.

The Unhappy King

The wine-shop

Hamlet in the craft shop.

Speech

Oedipus

"Sorry, I meant to say "good luck", not "break a leg"..."

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

Proposal

I Pagliacci

'Want to make some big money, William? A publisher wants you to write a page-turner.'