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"Your father forgives the thirty attemps you've made on his life, Oedipus. How does that make you feel?"

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

"I can't believe he brought her."

"It's wonderful to be away from the rat race. So, what happened on 'CSI: Miami' last night?"

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

'When are you going to give up this 9 to 5 nonsense and become a rock star like your brother?'

"What am I doing? Just sitting here binge binging."

"Friend or foe?"

"Guess who's going to be on national television apologizing to the American public."

"...And to my favorite 'Mr. Down On His Luck' relative, I leave all my spare change."

"I see you attending a family reunion, where things get quite heated."

'My daughter eloped with a mime...'

"What do you mean you don't think I'm the father?!"

"I'm a TV producer. I can get you on one of those fake judge programs, and you'll both become famous."

"Your mother and I have seen your report card, and we've decided to distance ourselves from you."

"Is it wrong to be evasive and not answer questions?"

'The actress who kept her clothes on in a TV drama.'

'What a surprise,darling - a squatter!'

"I can't live without you in my life, but I can live without you in my way.''

"He joined in the debate."

'Would you like to try our new Family-Style meal deal? While you eat I yell at you to be more like your brother then criticize what you're wearing before saying how much you've disappointed me and your father.'

"Don't walk away from me while I'm not paying any attention to you."

"I haven't finished saying no yet."

Grim Reaper watching the Lifetime Channel.

"Got things worked out with that new son in law yet?"

"If you like the baby pictures you should see the 'Making Of' video!"

'Do it again.'

'Ocean view, or would you prefer to watch them fight over the will?'

'Your doctor was given some great tickets to the football game, so I'll be standing in for him. Don't worry, I'm an actor who plays a doctor on TV.'