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On the house

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

Of pitting his own wits against their natural cunning

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

"That's Reubens, he's an alternate lifestyle coach."

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."

'You've had a bad day? Try being stuck in this house!'

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

"I would never do a nude scene, unless the part really called for it."

"Just between you and me, he was a road kill."

Mistress Talking to Maid

Master of the house states that he will be detained in the city on business when he learns that there is cold mutton for dinner.

Uses for Deactivated Missiles: Objects d'Art

'Safe!'

Levitation Man Avoids Angry Husband.

A baroque elk.

"I suppose in your day, you would have called these, 'radio dinners'."

"Will you shut up about world domination and just make the damn coffee."

'Ralph, how much do you want for that lure? Just name it.'

"Good evening, my name is Hank. I'm your waiter tonight. This is Eddy, he is our cooks' lawyer."

George Carlin

"How many times are you going to playback that last episode of 'Friends'?"

'You thought having 'flu would get you out of doing the dishes.'

Dinner's gonna be late - any questions..?

Dad was widely regarded as being unsuitable for younger viewers.

'And to his son, he has left his Leprosy.'

"Obsessive complacent disorder"

The Rude Butler.

"That's not a...'Sorry honey I burned the dinner' look. That's a...'I meant to burn the dinner and you're gonna eat it because you forgot our anniversary' look."

"Stop staring!"

'There's quite a power struggle going on.'

Men's Intuition: 'Oh, I can tell from that look you're never going to let this go.'

'What are you saying?'

"Quite often I think he's losing the will to live."

"Or we could just order something in."