Domestic Champion Pillows

You're saying you've made the bed, vacuumed the stairs and now you want to visit my mother's - have you been at the St John's Wort again?

"I'm too busy to kiss you Douglas, this will just have to do."

Doing the washing up.

"I don't know, kids. I've been a stay-at-home dad for so long it just sort of... happened."

Man with 'Real Ale' written on t-shirt, woman with 'Real Pine' written on rolling pin

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

"I take it the toilet is fixed?"

"I hope you're not using any of the canned food I so diligently stockpiled.

"I thought I was a hoarder, but it turns out I'm a prepper."

'Occupation? You name it, that's ME.'

'He has his pet and I have mine.'

'Daddy, what did you do on Armed Services Day?'

"I wish you'd get more in touch with your masculine side, Robert"

'Yes, yes, Rupert, you are still a mighty hunter. Now, please bring the turkey back to Luisa in the kitchen.'

Iron Lady and Iron Man

You can't focus on the cost of raising a child. True. They do have benefits. Mom! The glue spilled into your underwear drawer! Dad! Where's the toilet plunger? Though nothing specific leaps to mind.

"Well of course it's fast food. I cooked it faster than a speeding bullet."

'Well at least your washing up arm is O.K!'

''Pet of the Year', That's me!'

'My wife gave me that one for washing the windows.'

"Sloth is a sin."

Man of steel wool.

'Right now he's painting himself in a corner.'

"You confused the Sudso box with the Cruncho box."

"OK, honey, if I make this one, we blow off Delia's recital."

The four freedoms: freedom to bark, freedom from fetching, freedom to sleep on any piece of furniture, freedom from leashes.

"...But it's only Thursday. I'll be confused all day now."

'You may be the CEO of a large corporation, but at home you're an OMW, observe my whims!'

Bird Cage Cover over Wife's Head

"And now your General Knowledge Round...Where does clean laundry come from?"

Husband does the housework

"You can't leave! I haven't had dinner yet!"

'Roger that...I'm taking the first clean shot I can get.'

'I think the microwave has finally given up the ghost.'

Human Dust Buster