Domestic Challenger Pillows

"You confused the Sudso box with the Cruncho box."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

Always Compatible

"Wordle in two! You hear me? Two!!"

"Greta, look! The first dysfunctional family of winter!"

Heavy-duty, super-capacity, two speeds, 10 cycles. All of them vicious.

'I hope it's okay -- the cookbook had some really confusing abbreviations.'

Escher flat-pack furniture

"We should never have committed binary fission!"

"OK, honey, if I make this one, we blow off Delia's recital."

'...and when I did finally take out the trash, she locked the door behind me.'

What will I do with it? It will never fit in the microwave.

'I didn't even know she was angry until she started shooting.'

"The orgasms were real. But I faked the kids."

"I can't wait to get home and insult my parents from a position of authority."

"Did you say something? I thought I heard a sound bite."

"Synchronized sitting"

'I just joined the Freemasons and I'm afraid you're our next sacrifice..'

'Shall I fry it or flush it?'

'Mr. big shot scientist who works 18 hours a day at a prestigious lab developing high strength corrosion inhibitors, but can I get him to spend 2 minutes getting rust stains out of our own tub? No.'

"Have we got time for a quick argument before our programme starts..?"

The five stages of laundry 1. Denial I'll do it tomorrow. 2. Anger Why are there no clean clothes!? 3. Bargaining Ok! Who wants to help with the laundry? 4. Depression Can't. Do. It. 5. Acceptance

'Who's the clown responsible for ordering the new exercise equipment?'

'Herbert just loves to help with the dishes.'

'...and don't you dare turn the volume up at me!'

You mean none of you took out the trash? Why you rarely see a female polygamist.

Statue of a housewife.

"Don't just stand there Howard - SWAT IT!!!"

"I knew it would be a silly idea to ask him to hang the washing out for me,"

'No matter what I do I can't get rid of his squid marks.'

"Are you ready to pound down some breakfast?"

"We also argue about which way the toilet paper roll should hang."

Displacement activities for people who work from home...

"You are so stubborn!"

"No point going to sleep now."