Marital Challenger Pillows

"The orgasms were real. But I faked the kids."

"Yes, Mother. I still have trouble getting the attention of people."

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

"Greta, look! The first dysfunctional family of winter!"

'I told my wife she had to choose between me and that precious boat of her's. She called my bluff. Can I sleep on your couch?'

"We're only staying together for the sake of our marriage guidance counsellor."

'Will I still be married?'

"That's for staying married for thirty-five years to a difficult woman."

'I'm writing my New Year's resolutions.' - 'I resolve to finish everything that I start.'

"We were so happy doc. . . but then she changed!"

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

"What do you mean asking you to marry me via text wasn't romantic? Did you see the emoji with hearts for eyes I attached?"

"And do you, Courtney, take this man....Courtney!"

"Quite frankly, I've had a gut-full of all his Shakespearean drama!"

'We blow hot and cold. He argues it's too hot and I say it's too cold.'

'I'm sorry, but 'I'll see how I feel on the night' isn't really acceptable.'

'In defense of forgetting our anniversary, I forgot we're married.'

'None for me, thanks. It might improve my mood.'

'I have an even better idea, Steve -- let's get married without living together!'

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

'To be totally honest, our ship of matrimony is taking on water.'

'Jack's wife left him for the dustman.'

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

'I've been married to your sister for 9 years, so why should I be scared of you?'

"I never want to speak to you again, but I'm find with sex and other non-verbal activities."

"I said to him eventually, I said marriage is something you're just going to have to do on your own."

"I admire your devotion to duty."

Silent Fight #8997

"My wife has been walking five miles a day. I think she's somewhere in the middle of Pennsylvania now."

"Have you seen my mind? My wife thinks I've lost it."

'Doug and I have agreed to stay together until the children and his hedge fund are grown.'

STILL LIVES - 'I never know if I'm coming or going with you!'