Domestic Aesthete Gifts

'Since we did the make-over I just don't think you fit in any more.'

'Is that the only wallpaper you could find?!'

"This is a clever little shop. It makes you think it would be fun to own a lamp."

"I don't know, kids. I've been a stay-at-home dad for so long it just sort of... happened."

Four Common Lampshade Mistakes and How To Avoid Them.

A Footnote - Self Portrait of Beardsley, Bound to the God of Nature

Civilized Salmon

Et in Arcadia Ego

"You love anything tacky, don't you?"

"May I recommend our Seared Filet with Lobster Cream Sauce? It's very photogenic."

Contents Page of the Savoy (No. 1)

Count Valmont- Proposed Titlepage to 'Les Liasons Dangereuses'

Annette von Droste-Hulshoff

This model is very popular with those who aren't really sure what they want.

'I can use surgery to restore your sex drive. Do you want the £3000 operation or the £4000 one?' - 'I'd rather have a new kitchen.'

Red in tooth and claw.

'Right now he's painting himself in a corner.'

'We couldn't agree on the wallpaper.'

"You know your dog better than I do."

'Nice decorating. I like the clothes and toys everywhere...and the half eaten sandwich really ties it all together!'

"Is this the first time you've put wallpaper up?"

Messalina- Probably Intended to Illustrate 6th Satire of Juvenal

"Oh, Bruno! Just look at the subtle hues in those tulips!"

"I was proud of our house until we came here and found out how many things are wrong with it."

Which one? The Times? The Post? Maybe The Tribune? Oh, Phil - Picking out a carpet is so difficult.

"Would it be possible to change this to something more instagrammable?"

Comedy of the Rhinegold- Incomplete Frontispiece

'....Who's the interior decorator again?'

'We'd like to see it in turquoise.'

Dying your hair red at home

The Saunders' Feng Shui consultant reaches the garden shed.

'It's my climbing the walls installation!'

'She's constantly rearranging the furniture.'

'Be reasonable, dear - I'm sure Mrs West didn't mean to clash with your new curtains.'

'And THIS is our top seller! It's a couch that looks like potatoes for couch potatoes!'