Doggy Dialogue Fan Gifts

"I'd hate to see the flea big enough to wear those!"

'Don't keep going on about your cold paws - I've got my own problem!'

"If this tree is so great, why doesn't he pee on it."

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

'Iguana know what time it is.'

Conversation between Dogs.

"It was the most relaxing massage I've ever had."

Dogs Must Be On A Leash.

"We've known each other for years Bob, and this grooming style suited you when you were young, but it's time to let it go!"

"I wish you'd stop obsessively checking your feed!"

'Don't forget to talk about their dog!'

'Enough of my tapeworm - tell me about your fleas.'

"Wait … where’s Chicken Little? And who is ‘Kim Jong Un’?"

"You know that tune you sang yesterday morning? It was stuck in my head the whole day long..."

"You mean, with that yakerpoop app, you can have a service stop by and puck up your bag of crap?"

"Do you think it's an accident of history that Freemasons live in houses and we live in trees?"

'I told you, never utter that four letter work - 'walk!''

'First you come down, then we talk.'

"No, it's not my birthday, either."

"My owners named me Kvduer92hybH20UDF8fhsj becuase they wanted to remember a strong password for their online banking."

"The 'yip yip yip' is mine. Stick to your 'woof woof woof.'"

"Can we cut across the park and avoid Colony Lane? There are three squirrels in an oak tree I’d like to avoid."

"You know what I love? Rolling in dead squirrel." "Oh, my God, yes! How about peeing on the floor at Petco?!" "Wait, wait–what's the farthest distance either of you have rubbed your butt across a carpet?!"

'So smart and yet so dumb.'

Dogs discussing human commend pet peeves.

"I don’t know, Taylor – it seems to me, anyone who doesn’t talk to their dog is crazy."

"Are we sure he's the alpha?"

'He's a nice guy, but he doesn't bite, if you know what I mean.'

'Oh, it's not that I don't like humans, it's just my allergies.'

"If I hear 'Who's my widdle snoogie woogums' one more time I think I'm gonna snap."

Well, he's bought himself a new car with a "new car smell" of plastic fumes, so no, I'm not keen on going on car rides right now...

'I'm pretty sure she's talking to you - yes, you!'

'You sound like a bunch of cats! The growl has to be deeper and the barks crisper. Okay, let's take it again from the first howl.'

"Are those the DNA results?" "Yep." "And?" "You're a dog."

"Actually he's not begging."