Animal Dialogue Fan Gifts

'I wouldn't say I'm apathetic, I just don't give a hoot.'

'Oh, it's not that I don't like humans, it's just my allergies.'

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

"As I was only saying the other day..."

"I'm fascinated by body language."

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

"It was the most relaxing massage I've ever had."

"What kind of tomorrow is it? — I don't know, when I wake up, it's already today."

"We're giving you our complete cooperation. There's no need to bark at us!"

"I'd hate to see the flea big enough to wear those!"

-Psst! Back me in the 4:30! -Oh! -Surprised I can talk, huh? -No, surprised you think you can win!

'We should talk more.'

"I wish you'd stop obsessively checking your feed!"

Parrot annoying dog.

“Face it, dear...you’re a chair. You’ll see a lot of ends, but very few beginnings.”

"You know that tune you sang yesterday morning? It was stuck in my head the whole day long..."

"You mean, with that yakerpoop app, you can have a service stop by and puck up your bag of crap?"

"Wait … where’s Chicken Little? And who is ‘Kim Jong Un’?"

"Do you think it's an accident of history that Freemasons live in houses and we live in trees?"

'Sorry Binky, but there is no category for talking dogs.'

"The 'yip yip yip' is mine. Stick to your 'woof woof woof.'"

"No, it's not my birthday, either."

'First you come down, then we talk.'

Urp! Homo Eructus.

"I did it!"

'Don't keep going on about your cold paws - I've got my own problem!'

"Cool hat, Walter. Where'd you get it?" "It came with the meal."

"You know what I love? Rolling in dead squirrel." "Oh, my God, yes! How about peeing on the floor at Petco?!" "Wait, wait–what's the farthest distance either of you have rubbed your butt across a carpet?!"

'Sparky's amazing ability to speak to humans betrays him...'

"Can we cut across the park and avoid Colony Lane? There are three squirrels in an oak tree I’d like to avoid."

'I bet you think you have known interesting people before, not like me. I am truly fascinating.'

'They have great rapport.'

"Sure, you can talk the talk, but can you swim the swim?"

"Oh year?! Well, MY daddy is the largest of the largest animal species on earth!"

"The hard part was pulling my head off the wall and reattaching it to my body."