Animal Talk Fan Gifts

"I'm dreaming of a white Christmas."

'Sorry Binky, but there is no category for talking dogs.'

"As I was only saying the other day..."

"He also barks, meows and makes noises like a hamster."

"Could you tell me how to get to cedar grove, New Jersey? I want to see where my grandfather was born."

"Ever eat a bird?"

"I'm fascinated by body language."

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

"It was the most relaxing massage I've ever had."

"What kind of tomorrow is it? — I don't know, when I wake up, it's already today."

"Actually I never loved you."

"You know what the Serengeti lacks?—Decent deserts."

"Now, let your inner ‘bad dog’ answer the question ..."

"We're giving you our complete cooperation. There's no need to bark at us!"

"Hiya, hiya, hiya, guy. I'm the bluebird of Prozac."

'We should talk more.'

-Psst! Back me in the 4:30! -Oh! -Surprised I can talk, huh? -No, surprised you think you can win!

"I wish you'd stop obsessively checking your feed!"

Parrot annoying dog.

"You know that tune you sang yesterday morning? It was stuck in my head the whole day long..."

"I understand you've learned some new tricks since you were here last."

"Wait … where’s Chicken Little? And who is ‘Kim Jong Un’?"

"I started out eating homework. Now I shred documents."

"And with that being said Polly became dinner." "Polly wanna cracker?" "Polly wanna piece of yo mama's sweet behind." "Oh boy..."

"Do you think it's an accident of history that Freemasons live in houses and we live in trees?"

'I've been experiencing a lot of deja moo.'

"The 'yip yip yip' is mine. Stick to your 'woof woof woof.'"

"Yes, he does speak, but only on condition of anonymity."

"So, sniffed any interesting butts lately?"

"I did it!"

"Your work's fine, it's your break time I want to talk to you about."

Throw another hedgehog on the fire, would you pet?

"People are O.K., but I prefer little pieces of string."

'Sparky's amazing ability to speak to humans betrays him...'

"You know what I love? Rolling in dead squirrel." "Oh, my God, yes! How about peeing on the floor at Petco?!" "Wait, wait–what's the farthest distance either of you have rubbed your butt across a carpet?!"