Animal Talk Show Fan Gifts

"I understand you've learned some new tricks since you were here last."

TV talkshow: 'You've heard the owl's version...we'll bring out the cat!'

"Ok, let's get those knuckles up off the ground, arms way up high now, feet wide apart. . ."

"Ever eat a bird?"

"I'm fascinated by body language."

Dog traps the postman.

". . . yes, sir, folks . . . and furthermore, folks . . . for real quality, folks . . . yes, sir, folks . . ."

"Another slander suit!"

Talking Dog.

'Now stay tuned for 'Hope - Myth or Reality', to be followed by 'Reality - Hope or Myth'.'

"Dad, will you play judge and tell me if Raymond or Joey is the father of my baby doll?"

"What kind of tomorrow is it? — I don't know, when I wake up, it's already today."

"Actually I never loved you."

"Hiya, hiya, hiya, guy. I'm the bluebird of Prozac."

-Psst! Back me in the 4:30! -Oh! -Surprised I can talk, huh? -No, surprised you think you can win!

'We should talk more.'

'I refuse to believe that Winkie was a terrorist.'

"I majored in sheep with a minor in cat herding."

"I started out eating homework. Now I shred documents."

"Emotional breakdown! Call Oprah!"

It sounds like you've been watching Dr. Phil again, Al � bad idea. Dr. Phil provides a service, Dr. Kapuchnik: he makes you seem like less of a pompous, overbearing know-it-all.

'I suggest you reconsider your approach to responsible dog breeding.'

"Yes, he does speak, but only on condition of anonymity."

"Any chance Piers Morgan's available?"

'Sorry Binky, but there is no category for talking dogs.'

"He's a bird-dog."

"We begin the day hammering. Then there's 'Regis and Kathie Lee.' Then we do some more hammering, followed by lunch and 'Days of Our Lives,' more hammering, 'Oprah,' and, finally, home."

"I did it!"

"Your work's fine, it's your break time I want to talk to you about."

"Yeah, I tried beaver once too, but I didn't like the woody after-taste..."

'Sparky's amazing ability to speak to humans betrays him...'

'If provoked - his remarks can be scathing.'

Throw another hedgehog on the fire, would you pet?

"Well, if I had to guess -- I'd say it's undigested homework."

I can't come in today. I haven't got chronic diarrhoea!