Dog Dialogue Fan Gifts

"You know what I love? Rolling in dead squirrel." "Oh, my God, yes! How about peeing on the floor at Petco?!" "Wait, wait–what's the farthest distance either of you have rubbed your butt across a carpet?!"

"The 'yip yip yip' is mine. Stick to your 'woof woof woof.'"

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

'Iguana know what time it is.'

"It was the most relaxing massage I've ever had."

Conversation between Dogs.

Dogs Must Be On A Leash.

"What kind of tomorrow is it? — I don't know, when I wake up, it's already today."

"We've known each other for years Bob, and this grooming style suited you when you were young, but it's time to let it go!"

"I wish you'd stop obsessively checking your feed!"

"I'd hate to see the flea big enough to wear those!"

'Enough of my tapeworm - tell me about your fleas.'

"Wait … where’s Chicken Little? And who is ‘Kim Jong Un’?"

"You mean, with that yakerpoop app, you can have a service stop by and puck up your bag of crap?"

“Face it, dear...you’re a chair. You’ll see a lot of ends, but very few beginnings.”

"You know that tune you sang yesterday morning? It was stuck in my head the whole day long..."

"Do you think it's an accident of history that Freemasons live in houses and we live in trees?"

'I told you, never utter that four letter work - 'walk!''

'First you come down, then we talk.'

"No, it's not my birthday, either."

'Sorry Binky, but there is no category for talking dogs.'

"My owners named me Kvduer92hybH20UDF8fhsj becuase they wanted to remember a strong password for their online banking."

"Can we cut across the park and avoid Colony Lane? There are three squirrels in an oak tree I’d like to avoid."

'Don't keep going on about your cold paws - I've got my own problem!'

'So smart and yet so dumb.'

Dogs discussing human commend pet peeves.

'He's a nice guy, but he doesn't bite, if you know what I mean.'

'You sound like a bunch of cats! The growl has to be deeper and the barks crisper. Okay, let's take it again from the first howl.'

"If I hear 'Who's my widdle snoogie woogums' one more time I think I'm gonna snap."

"Sure, you can talk the talk, but can you swim the swim?"

Well, he's bought himself a new car with a "new car smell" of plastic fumes, so no, I'm not keen on going on car rides right now...

'I'm pretty sure she's talking to you - yes, you!'

"Are we sure he's the alpha?"

"I don’t know, Taylor – it seems to me, anyone who doesn’t talk to their dog is crazy."

I'm feeling a bit sluggish to tell you the truth!