Dog Discipline Satirist Gifts

'No mistake. It's right here...'Bad Dog'.'

"He's no hat and all corgis."

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"Pssst. Fake poop."

"Now turn your head and bark."

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

Conversation between Dogs.

"Then he suggested we go to a leash optional beach."

"It's my helper trout!"

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

"There are those who say I'm a throwback to Monet."

"Sometimes Bob wags when he's happy—but these days, it usually means he just tooted."

'Toilet paper, Lassie! Fetch toilet paper! Stupid mutt!'

"Look, Mommy. Puppy already knows a trick! What should we call him?" "How about 'Scooter.'"

'Trouble is, he rubbed my nose in it'

Newspaper headline is CUTE PUPPY RESCUED. Cat says: 'Sigh! It's all bad news in the papers, isn't it?'

"Are you walking the dog? We live on the third floor!"

"I think that I shall never see a tree on which I wouldn't pee."

Monk & Mandi: "I only obey twice a day."

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

'I'm afraid you're just going to have to accept that dogs just don't like you.'

"Gas was passed, you get the blame, that's the system."

Employees Must Lick Themselves Before Returning to Work.

"He wasn't quite dark enough to name 'midnight' so I named him ten o'clock."

Heaven's Cattlegrid.

"Hold on, I just have to send a P-mail."

"Here come the suits."

'I've decided it's worth forsaking my reputation as man's best friend for this opportunity to tell you I've always hated you with a passion.'

"I thought you were teaching him to fetch, not kvetch."

'You'd better come in while I phone the mail order bride company and tell them there's been a mistake.'

"Here's what you do when you're kenneled: find the biggest dog in the joint and kick his #!@*."

"We need to talk about your diet."