Documentary Film Buff Gifts

"I'll fire up the Franklin stove and put in a Ken Burns film. You pick out a nice port from the wine cellar."

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

"Then one day, as I caught a tennis ball in midair, I asked myself, 'Is this all there is?'"

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"Oh, come on! Nobody brought a pen?"

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

Shaped Much Different: Vietnam and Afghanistan.

Police film evidence

Kirsten Johnson

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

"Seriously, you can't balance the budget with cushion change."

They're watching a documentary about safety razors. Sounds like a Schick flick!

The following wildlife film is sponsored in part by a grant from...Mother Nature Foundation.

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"

Cow being force fed hormones and producing milk.

Cinéma Vérité

"No need for stage fright, it's just a documentary crew: be yourself..."

Michael Moore creates a UK equivalent of Fahrenheit 9/11

"Ugh! Stop making a drama documentary out of a molehill."

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." It's okay for a first draft, Thomas, but it'll be much better if you make it rhyme!

A bunch of global warming skeptics want to join eco club. It's a school organization. You have to let them in. But they just want to harass us with selective facts! Today: Eco club. So? Debate is good. You have :An Inconvenient Truth" to counter their arguments. Oh. Great. Now we'll have to read it.

A penguin's life is like endless summer camp, swimming and fishing all day every day!

"But what's my motivation?"

"I remembered that time you said you wished you had a biographer."

Fahrenheit 911.

Diana Inquest - 'It's time to move on, and start making a TV mini-series of her life.'

A fly on the wall documentary.

"Nothing like the History Channel to get you to appreciate these peaceful times we're enjoying."

'Hold it - someone's filming this without permission!'

"Ok, don't move. I want to capture the drama and intrigue of your life."

'If whales are so intelligent, why do they swim near Japan?'

'I'm freezing...The rich list is a little thin this year.'

A typical Monday. Zombie Truck-Driving Maniacs! South Pole Penguin Love! That's a stupid eco-friendly chick documentary! Insipid, mindless, violent zombie crud! Negotiations commence, nearly a week before date night. Wimp! Blockbuster head!

'Great! So that's the film... Now for the sound!'