Documentary Enthusiasts Gifts

'Netflix and Chilcot?'

Leaving Neverland threatens Michael Jackson's legacy.

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

"Then one day, as I caught a tennis ball in midair, I asked myself, 'Is this all there is?'"

"At some point, there's only so high you can raise the volume before you admit you're never gonna understand what British detectives are saying."

"Oh, come on! Nobody brought a pen?"

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

Shaped Much Different: Vietnam and Afghanistan.

Police film evidence

They're watching a documentary about safety razors. Sounds like a Schick flick!

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

"'Tis but a scratch — in America, I'd still have to go in for work today."

Kirsten Johnson

Cow being force fed hormones and producing milk.

"No need for stage fright, it's just a documentary crew: be yourself..."

Michael Moore creates a UK equivalent of Fahrenheit 9/11

Cinéma Vérité

"But what's my motivation?"

"I remembered that time you said you wished you had a biographer."

"Ugh! Stop making a drama documentary out of a molehill."

A penguin's life is like endless summer camp, swimming and fishing all day every day!

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." It's okay for a first draft, Thomas, but it'll be much better if you make it rhyme!

Diana Inquest - 'It's time to move on, and start making a TV mini-series of her life.'

A fly on the wall documentary.

Fahrenheit 911.

"What do you suppose Ken Burns will have to say about all this in 30 years?"

'Hold it - someone's filming this without permission!'

David Attenborough

"Wow, I was in a documentary film with Ron and Valerie Taylor too! Aren't they great?!"

"Nothing like the History Channel to get you to appreciate these peaceful times we're enjoying."

'I'm freezing...The rich list is a little thin this year.'

'If whales are so intelligent, why do they swim near Japan?'

Finding Bigfoot

"He's the exception: a fly on the wall who made it big in blockbuster movies."

A typical Monday. Zombie Truck-Driving Maniacs! South Pole Penguin Love! That's a stupid eco-friendly chick documentary! Insipid, mindless, violent zombie crud! Negotiations commence, nearly a week before date night. Wimp! Blockbuster head!