Documentary Buffs Gifts

Police film evidence

"Oh s**t! The game's up."

"Then one day, as I caught a tennis ball in midair, I asked myself, 'Is this all there is?'"

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

Live Stream

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

"Oh, come on! Nobody brought a pen?"

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

Shaped Much Different: Vietnam and Afghanistan.

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

The following wildlife film is sponsored in part by a grant from...Mother Nature Foundation.

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"

They're watching a documentary about safety razors. Sounds like a Schick flick!

"Seriously, you can't balance the budget with cushion change."

Next camera crew 5 mins

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

Kirsten Johnson

Cow being force fed hormones and producing milk.

"No need for stage fright, it's just a documentary crew: be yourself..."

Michael Moore creates a UK equivalent of Fahrenheit 9/11

Cinéma Vérité

'Come on, you're telling me that you don't watch the Discovery Channel.'

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." It's okay for a first draft, Thomas, but it'll be much better if you make it rhyme!

"But what's my motivation?"

"Ugh! Stop making a drama documentary out of a molehill."

A typical Monday. Zombie truck driving maniacs! South Pole penguin love! That's a stupid eco-friendly chick documentary! Insipid, mindless, violent, zombie crud! Negotiations commence, nearly a week before date night. Wimp! Blockbuster head!

Top Secret/Middle Secret/Bottom Secret

'Phoor...watch these sperm whales at it...ah...yes..yes...'

A penguin's life is like endless summer camp, swimming and fishing all day every day!

A bunch of global warming skeptics want to join eco club. It's a school organization. You have to let them in. But they just want to harass us with selective facts! Today: Eco club. So? Debate is good. You have :An Inconvenient Truth" to counter their arguments. Oh. Great. Now we'll have to read it.

"I remembered that time you said you wished you had a biographer."

Poor vs Rich

"What do you suppose Ken Burns will have to say about all this in 30 years?"

Diana Inquest - 'It's time to move on, and start making a TV mini-series of her life.'

A fly on the wall documentary.