Document Guru Gifts

'Don't be alarmed at closing when you sign you name so many times you don't recognize your own signature.'

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

'Here's MY information highway!'

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

'It's only fair to warn you that if you get the job there would be a lot of filing involved.'

"I feel a great disturbance in The Force."

'Congratulations on your purchase of the new Kablooey! Desk Organizer! Instructions for use...'

"Brandon isn't adapting well to the open office concept."

"...And this is the part where he veers off course from the YouTube tutorial."

"'C' is for free CONTENT!"

"The arms reduction talks are off to a good start -so far, we've agreed to ban pebbles."

'I have created the first interactive pile of paperwork.'

I've always been slower than computers...

"Our open-space office really stimulates information sharing when everyone removes their noise-cancelling headphones."

'My predecessor left some big shoes to fill.'

Top Secret/Middle Secret/Bottom Secret

"I've put every one of those vital master copies through here, and it took ages. Where do the copies come out?"

After forty-seven years in management, it was only appropriate that he be buried in paperwork.

"Couldn't you just set up a facebook page or a blog?"

'He's a media consultant. He came with the multimedia software package.'

This is Pandora, our new Content Manager.

In and Out Trays

What brings you to therapy, Mr. Jiddury? Social anxiety. That's what Google says it is, anyway. But Google's no doctor. I thought it'd be better to get the opinion of a professional. I see, well, why don't we start the diagnosis by having you hang up your phone, get out of your car and come inside? No, that's ok. I'm good here. You have a lovely parking lot. I've got donuts in here. No, that's ok, I'm good. I've got cracker crumbs on the floor.

"Hey, it's me. I just sent you a text message responding to your e-mail saying that I should IM you."

'Well, actually my first big break was a slither-on part in 'one was flown into the cuckoo's nest'.'

Megacorp Pictures Advertising Dept. We need a catchy phrase to promote this new earthquake movie. "Look out for that runaway terrain."

'I can't remember the title,but it was on a little white piece of paper.'

"Here is the one pager we all agreed on..."

'Guide us, oh Webmaster.'

'This is my grandson Richard. I've called him in today to answer all your questions about computers and the web.'

"And I can install the latest version of Microsoft as well as Word and 17 other applications!"

Declaration of Independence. Legend has it that John Hancock signed his name extra large to annoy King George. The quill must have come from a mocking bird!

I CAME. I FOLLOWED. I COMMENTED. I SHARED.

'In, out, fiddling.'

'We ran a full DNA test, STR and Mitochondrial analysis... and Bob here 'Googled' it just to make sure.'