Document Destroyer Gifts

I type 90 words per minute and shred even faster!

'I love my shredder, they're great for bills, too.'

Investment company offers free paper shredder.

"Why are we shredding this stuff?"

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

"Where are you guys going?" "We’re out of here!" "It’s October 28th!" "The new team are running late. We need you to stay until February 2025!" "But I’m tired!!" "How do we know they won’t bail on us again?"

'Honestly Bob, it's not that bad. If you can make as much next year as you did this year you'll be able to pay off your outstanding taxes for last year. That'll just leave the interest, the tax for this year and... my fees.'

'Never trust emails. You can't shred them.'

Bureau to cut back on bureaucratic paperwork...

'I have created the first interactive pile of paperwork.'

'Your proposal sounds interesting. Can you send me a written proposal? I cannot reread a phone call.'

'It's not encrypted, Captain. That's just the clerk's usual typing.'

Records?

"We need a better piling system."

In and Out Trays

' I see Brad's playing his new video game again.'

'A belt will have to be tightened...not the cars...yours.'

'They'll never take my word for it -- You'd better put them in writing.'

Paper Trail

'I can't remember the title,but it was on a little white piece of paper.'

"Where would we BE without the right DOCUMENTATION...?"

Document Filing in the Post-Literate Era.

"Is it my imagination, or does our use of correction fluid increase as people's teeth get whiter?"

What do you mean, you've done more for me than my mother did? We've carried you for 10 months!

Student Debt

Slam Dunking the Outtray

Declaration of Independence. Legend has it that John Hancock signed his name extra large to annoy King George. The quill must have come from a mocking bird!

Files of Doom

'You can read, right? -- I want you to check this thing for loopholes.'

Constitution of the United States (First Draft)

'Is it okay to put my credit card payment on my credit card?'

Buy now... pay later

"I'm here to pay off the last loan installment!"

'Right now I'd say our biggest asset is our credit card debt.'