Doctor's Visit Divertisseur Gifts

'I don't like needles: You'll catch me if I faint, won't you doc?'

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'The good news is that you don't have mad cow's disease. The bad news is you are lactose intolerant.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

"So what brings you in today?"

'-not back with the same old corn are we?'

'You're eating too much roughage.'

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

"I looked up my symptoms on the Internet and it said I might get old!"

"But doc, I can't understand what my body is telling me. It's mouth is always full!"

'Please open your mouth and say '68, 56, 87, ..'

'The best thing for you, is to give up booze and smoking.'

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

"Your sodium level is high...probably from taking everything you hear with a grain of salt!"

"I cancelled my last appointment without phoning the Doctor... so I'm making up for it by showing up without phoning!"

'Heroic stoicism has its rewards.'

No. 83 In A Series OF Extraordinary Unlikely Events.

"Please fill out these medical forms, which are identical to the ones you filled out earlier online, and have the exact same questions your doctor will ask you later in the exam room."

"It's cooties."

That rattling sound in your chest doesn't concern me as much as that rattling sound in your head.

'Very interesting... your blood pressure is 17 over 76.'

"Well, if you want my blood pressure lower don't keep waiting two hours to see you."

'Panic over...it's not mumps just high blood pressure.'

'It's not that simple, Ms. Whelan. You vcan't just shop around until you find a disease you like.'

Taking blood pressure

'I'm worried about my brother, doctor!'

'As I said, the medication won't cure you, but it will make you more comfortable for the duration.'

'Sometimes I get a little hypochondriacky.'

'I had a great time tonight. I'd like to see you again in about six months.'

'No. I said, 'Inhale deeply, and hold your breath.''