Divorcee With A Sense Of Humor Gifts

'Under the terms of my divorce I have to wear it for a full year.'

"Mind if we pick up my ex-wife on the way?"

'Leave Doug alone for awhile Karen, he's very upset. His ex-wife just won sole custody of his inner child.'

"As part of the settlement she's asking for the two cars, the house, the cabin and one of your testicles. The other, of course, will be applied toward my fee."

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Your therapy helped me leave Frank. Franks wants to thank you personally.'

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

It went even worse than I expected - She got custody of the kids and me.

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."

'I'm sorry, but according to this there's nothing I can do. It appears your species mates for life.'

"I liked you better as my first husband."

"At least I got half the Twitter followers in the divorce."

'I didn't get the settlement I was hoping for...turns out I'd already spent most of his money while we were married.'

'We've agreed to divide your community property 50-50...50% for your wife and 50% for her attorney.'

'And I thought I was leaving you.'

"Didn't you find it attractive that he was a "Free Range Chicken'?"

'I got custody of the kids.'

"He complains like a kid over a minor cold. He's such a groan man!"

"He left me. I doubt it was for another woman, though. He asked me for a letter of recommendation."

'You get all the money and both cars? How is THAT fair?'

"In order to separate, one of us has to move out."

Congratulations on your Divorce

'Currently, my assets are diversified. They're split up among my 4 ex-wives.'

"It was ugly, she got custody of the tin cans, chewed tyre and the rusty bike pump... And I got the kids!"

"The law says his wife gets half of everything he owns."

"Mommy divorced Daddy because Daddy was noncompliant."

"When I got divorced, I went through all the stages of grieving - sadness, anger, denial and punching the air with delight when the settlement cheque came through!"

Divorcees Club - The Joy of Ex.

"I've got to be honest with you. I've been married three times and each of them flew the coop."

'So when is the moving van coming over for your shoes?'

'I agree, Hadley, we've seen very little of each other but that's what I intended when I divorced you.'

'Well, I think that's a fair split. I get the house, and you get the mortgage repayments.'

'Why do divorces cost so much?' - 'Because they're worth it.'

'Can't we just get a divorce?'

Early divorce settlement