Divorce Proceedings Spectator Gifts

"It's outside, waiting for her inside of his convertible."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

'Then if there are no objections, we will recess until tomorrow morning.'

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

'I think the problem is, Lydia, you're a man-hater and Robert, you're a woman-hater, and I can't stand either one of you.'

"So halfway through the divorce proceedings, I find out Henry is a warlock."

Generation Ex.

"I can try, but I've never had a marriage overturned on appeal."

Marriage & Divorce.

"Of course, your case against him would be a lot stronger if you had made him sign a pre-peccadillo agreement."

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

Lawyer, couple in bed - 'Natalie, remember my mother said we shouldn't go to sleep without settling things...'

"Looks like the Huffman divorce is in previews."

"An 'Irish divorce' doesn't have quite the same ring to it as a 'Mexican divorce'."

"...your ex-wife also mentions a gold filling."

"Oh, that's just the first draft of some divorce papers I was messing around with."

'You won't be able to afford a top lawyer like me for very long. But, maybe just long enough to give your wife one heck of a scare.'

"This is getting ugly, she's demanding a return of the kidney she donated to you back in '88."

"At what point did you realize your ex-husband was behind on his child support?"

"Why, Ed Phillips! I haven't seen you since our divorce!"

'I'm sorry you were found guilty.'

For 364 days of the year Santa was a very successsful divorce lawyer.

"Three. How many times you been married?"

"Try mansplaining your way out of this one."

"Alimony is like paying off a car after you've crashed it."

"I wish you'd be more supportive of my efforts to divorce you."

'Computer dating? I want my money back. You fixed me up with my first wife.'

Our biggest mistake was in calling your ex-wife as a character witness.

'Wow! Your wife's lawyer was really good, wasn't he?'

'Your honor, my client has just informed me that he likes you very much.'

'I'm not sure a slow-motion egg sandwich exploding in your face is sufficient grounds for a divorce, Mrs Smith.'

'Alimony is like having to pay instalments on a car after you have written it off!'