Divine Dichotomist Gifts

"He thought that was overkill."

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

'We've re-branded.'

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

"Then it's agreed. Judgment Day, whenever it comes, will fall on a Thursday, so that they'll get the long weekend."

I'm sorry, all our angels are busy at the moment. Please hold and your prayers will be answered in the order it was received.

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

'Oh-oh -- What hath He wrought now?'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

'Read that last part back to me.'

"Your mom needs to know that you made it here OK, and your dad wants to know if you could use a few bucks."

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

'Okay - who leaked?'

"He really isn't bad, per se, but he is kind of a jerk."

Vicar wearing sunglasses.

"If everything is God's will, tell me again why I need to study for exams?"

God passing the time.

'I'm afraid there is no Book of Loophole.'

2pm meet your Creator

'God sees everything? You mean He channel surfs?'

"So join me in prayer for those who are damned if they do and damned if they don't..."

A not-so-happy God, with the Humans, sticking an Eviction Notice to the Earth

"No, you cannot have another planet. You only played with the last one for a week."

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

"Instead of Red Team and Blue Team, why don't we make it Good v. Evil?"

"If we went to war, wouldn't God be on the spot?"

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'