Divine Decision Analyst Gifts

Yahweh/Your Way

'We've re-branded.'

"You are running low on cloud storage space. Please upgrade your account to continue."

"Then it's agreed. Judgment Day, whenever it comes, will fall on a Thursday, so that they'll get the long weekend."

'Okay - who leaked?'

'You're my economic advisor. What'll I do?'

"Lucky for you, you died during a bear market."

"So join me in prayer for those who are damned if they do and damned if they don't..."

'God sees everything? You mean He channel surfs?'

"Why did God make fruit if he also made candy?"

'And my board approved this?'

Illogic Tree

Jesus wept

"From the looks of things, I shouldn't have rested on the seventh day."

"Yeah, it's a sweet boat Noah, but you're still gonna have to start over."

"We've seen all the data and crunched all the numbers, now, heads or tails?"

'Entropy already? You just made it.'

"OK, just between you and me: The free will thing? What was your angle in all that?"

Today's lesson: the plague of darkness

"This might or might not be a job for noncommittal man?"

Bad Decision Tree

You've Got Questions, We've Got Answers.

Ad Meeting With God.

'Now that the A level results are out a lot of kids are making choices that will affect them for the rest of their lives...'

"That's just so God."

'Welcome to the ultimate bottom line.'

In and Out.

"Are you a decisive type person?"

'What kind of God would let things like this happen?'

God systematically makes a decision.

"Proper flood defences were too expensive."

'I was afraid of this -- the evolution protocols are just confusing them.'

Bob finds God's wallet, and for one crazy moment, considers keeping it.

'Well, we'd better review the tapes.'

"No offense, but some of these could be construed as pretty extreme denial"