Decision Analyst Gifts

Bad Decision Tree

Illogic Tree

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

Pounding speeds up the computer.

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

"My email is down... talk to me."

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

The Anti-Agent

British savings accounts

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

'3 Second Loading Zone.'

Fear/Knowledge

'My name's Google and I'm being inundated with requests for information about every damn thing imaginable, by people I don't even know...It's endless!'

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

"So, what brings you in today, Mr. Brooks? High anxiety again?"

Light Bulb Moment

"I think I'll be late back for tea. . . about a week."

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"Morning, all!"

The Life of Pi

Lethal Presentation

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"