Discipline Dilettante Pillows

Kid in corner to parent: 'When will I be eligible for parole?'

'I asked them to behave like adults, and they ranted, they raved, and they cussed a blue streak!'

'I sure hope this 'timeout' thing is just a phase with Mom.'

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

Macho Vegetarian

"I asked a designer to come in and give the office a needed pick-me-up...probably should have been a little more specific."

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

Turn around at the next junction, turn around now! Turn around immediately - you've forgotten your handbags!

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

'My diet allows me only one muffin a day!'

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

"Would you prefer sparkling water, filtered water, tap water or water?"

"Oh come on!... How can I only have lost two ounces?!"

'Okay, okay. On second thought, maybe going on a diet isn't necessary.'

"Tell me again how well your low sodium diet is going."

'Should I buy or sell?'

"Lay off the junk food, your pancreas is rusty"

"You know who's a big pain in the a*s? Europe."

'Honey, I put 500.000,- into chocolate manufacturer stocks and now the share price went down... would you please stop your diet?'

"Column A are things they said would kill you ten years ago but are now considered totally good for you. Column B are things they currently think will kill you."

'Put an olive in it please. My doctor says I need more greens and less alchohol.'

The singles bar...

One Way/Two Ways.

"How many calories do you think we burn by pressing these buttons each day?"

'Excuse me - Which way is Southwestern North Carolina?'

"This fat free meal is also taste free!"

"Just a heads-up... when you count calories, high score doesn't win."ories/high score

Time Out Room

Prisoner to other: 'But what I actually ended up doing was consolidating all my debts into one ten-year sentence.'

'You don't do faith healing do you?'

'We don't understand it - she eats whatever we eat!'