Disaster Opportunist Gifts

Businessman thinking a nuclear bomb falling is a potential business opportunity.

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."

"Take the picture, dam it, take the picture!"

'I follow my dad's stocks so I know when to ask for an allowance increase.'

Business Books: How to profit from authoritarianism.

"Brian's always had a good nose for business."

Man selling dirt and mud.

'I called the electric company and told them not to hurry to restore power.'

"I will place this broken phone charger in the 'man' drawer. Where in six months time, it will magically fix itself."

"Whoever said there ain't no such thing as a free lunch obviously has never circled around a highway."

Origins of the 'Beard Of Bees'.

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'

Were you aware, minion, that bees are dying off by the millions all over North America? No. Studies show it was caused by a certain type of pesticide that was introduced in the 1990s. A pesticide that nobody can prove was concocted by a young man in my - I mean, his - basement. Anyone who thought ahead and stocked an underground cavern with 50 tons of honey is going to clean up. Hypothetically speaking, of course. Very bad man.

"My reasons for asking for a raise are wholly unselfish. I wish to marry your daughter!"

"Actually, 'Monkey see, monkey do' has served me quite well in this market."

'Disaster!' they said. 'Great business opportunity,' I replied.

'We have something with terrific fringe benefits. No salary - just fringe benefits.'

Dye now, pay later!

"It's not the grant we expected, but it's better than a kick in the pants."

Hotel checkout.

Instant winner trash can

'No. Why should I give you my autograph?. You'll only sell it on eBay!'

I've organized us a double date with the twins from despatch. Cool! What are their names? Kylie and Troy.

'Hey, it's Heaven, why wouldn't we cash in on that?'

"We offer a short-term high yield bond fund that may fit your particular investing priorities."

"It's a collection for Shirley. I want to take her to lunch."

'Your best bet, Ralph, is to win the lottery...'

I'm about to get rich, Randy. Filthy rich. How so, little buddy? The federal government's going to seize privately owned lands along the U.S.-Mexico border so they can build Trump's wall. But they'll have to pay the landowners lots of money. So I bought a dirt cheap stretch of land along the border. But no one knows where exactly the wall will be. That's why I bought a 1-inch-wide strip of land that stretches from Colorado to Mexico. You're crazy like a fox that's gone crazy.

"Just get over there and let me get a picture."

'There goes Slippery Sid, he never misses a trick does he?'

All Around the world, business leaders are rising to the challenge of climate change. . .

'That's the third wrong number today ordering pizza. Mrs. Beatton, put in a pizza department - we deliver!'

'This isn't Lindsey, but I AM free for dinner saturday night.'

"You look at the ocean and see peace and tranquility. . . I see opportunities for offshore drilling!"