Dinner Table Philosophers Gifts

Family saying grace

'When a cow laughs real hard, does milk come out of her nose?'

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

"My inner child wants to have a playdate with your inner child."

"Do you know I fought an hour with that salmon you're eating."

"Nicole’s parents celebrated her curious mind, even in those moments when it really depressed them."

"Those are insightful and legitimate questions about our country, Tommy, and if times were different, your mom and I probably wouldn't have to report you to the government for asking them!"

'Do I have to give thanks for all the spinach, or just the bite I'm going to eat?'

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

"Before we begin, I think you should all know that I once smoked a reefer in 1935."

'My dad must like you, or he would have charged by now.'

'For once can't we all just sit down and eat as a family?'

Hi, I work at the admissions office of the local university. If you could change the world in three days, what would you do?

"And he paraphrased New York Judge Gerard Lynch when he said our country has an overinflated system of incarceration that is far too punitive, disproportionate in its impact on the poor, exceedingly costly and largely impotent in reducing crime. Anyway, that's what I learned in school today."

'No, there's nothing else: At this time of year, we eat salmon!'

"Sorry no half portions - at least that's the quantum theory."

'Well - how has everyone wasted time and energy today?'

"Do you have to mime looking at your mobile at the dinner table Marceau?"

Screen Time at the Dining Table

Nuclear Families

'It's gluten-free or free range or something. Enjoy.'

'It started out with lactose, but ow he's intolerant of everything.'

Sugar-coated riboflavin yellow #5 fructose surbosic-carboblutonic flakes.

"I just think we should eat a lot more ice cream for dessert to battle global warming."

"It's a calling. Someone has to help feed the less fortunate."

'We tried hunting and we tried gathering, but now we usually eat out.'

Dear, this is the third time we've had broccoli casserole since you declared an end of major hostilities.

"Ambitions . . . never, ever to eat broccoli again."

"Our steaks are unusually tough tonight."

'We only get an hour for lunch, so your best bet is to brown-bag it.'

"Now dear...remember the sermon on PATIENCE..."

"But I told everybody at the dinner party, your honor, so how could it still be insider information?"

'Today I learned it's hard not to sound condescending when explaining science to a religious person.'

"Oh, I don't eat turkey. One of my spiritual advisers is a turkey."