Dinner Splitting Aficionado T-Shirts

"We went dutch - he must have reached his two-hundred-dollar dating deductible."

"You do like octopus?"

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

"I understand this diner has quite a reputation."

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

Periodic table for two. Chez LMN't

Chicken Little was correct about something falling, unfortunately, it was an axe, and not the sky.

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"Joel! Killer crust!"

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

"Deep-dish pizza calls for deep-glass beer."

'Who gets the decaf?'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

"Your mother texted us that you're not getting enough to eat, so I brought you twice what you ordered."

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

'She thinks it makes her look enigmatic.'

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

'I'll give you a bite of my calamari for one of your stuffed shrimp.'

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

"The Halloween Special is the pork and kraut. It'll come back and haunt you."

How to make an unforgettable dinner for four

Mom's Diner/Mom's Desserts

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

Al's Diner. Special: Spaghetti. All You Can Eat $3.95. Ernie, don't play with your food unless you're sure you can win.

"Eggshell in omelette make Hulk angry!"