Dining Realist Gifts

'Trading Standards...'

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

"The fish sticks here are very good."

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

"Hey, …. what's not to like?"

'Brie okay?.' 'Very runny.'

"Would you like to see the markup?"

'Who ordered the shark?.' '

"Nicole’s parents celebrated her curious mind, even in those moments when it really depressed them."

In-House Entertainment Consists Of Man Riding Pizza Cutter Cutting Giant Pizza While Making a Pizza

'Do I have to give thanks for all the spinach, or just the bite I'm going to eat?'

"Our cook caught today's special. What makes it so special is that we have no idea what it is. We're coping it's edible."

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

"More?"

"I diet religiously. I eat what I want and pray I don't gain weight."

"Before we begin, I think you should all know that I once smoked a reefer in 1935."

'In case of emergency, break glass.'

'I think we're all safe now. Go ahead and say spatlese.'

"Our menu never claims that our meat is barbecued. It just says that it's covered in barbecue sauce."

"Sorry no half portions - at least that's the quantum theory."

'Not whale stew again.'

'No, you can't complain to the waiter about the vegetables floating in your soup. It's vegetable soup!'

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

'What the devil is that?

"My brain said, exercise....my tummy auto-corrected that to, extra-fries!"

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Hunting - No. XII

'Well - how has everyone wasted time and energy today?'

"If you represent special interests, I can seat you immediately."

"You folks ready to order?"

"Here comes the tossed salad!"

'Is there a money back guarantee if the burrito isn't as big as your head?'

"Hold on! Baxter's trying to tell us something..." "The kitchen is on fire"

'Instead of a tip, I wrote you a poem.'

"Alfresco Plumbing & Hardware Supplies"