Dining Out Devotee Gifts

You must be this wide to enter the restaurant.

'We are not responsible for any coats that might fit a member of staff.'

'There'll be a slight delay. The chef is cramming for his nutrition finals.'

"We can serve a rare handburger, but because of health regulations, this room will have to be heated to 160 degrees."

"You should have said you wanted chairs when you booked the table."

"I'll just have a small salad. . . say 400 pounds of fresh river vegetation."

"Would sir like to bless the wine before I serve it?"

"Who ordered just a green salad?"

"Jean-Claude, obviously signally to the waiter is the only exercise you do tenaciously and with abandon."

'We can't serve you the businessman's lunch because you don't look the business type.'

'Sorry, coach, but all of the bases are loaded.'

Jeff had actually ordered Aromatic Duck

'Don't fill up with bread.'

"She'll have a Shirley Temple, and I'll have a Shirley Temple's mother."

'I must warn you that this meal may not contain nuts.'

'Red! I'm a white vin man!'

When I booked this table I stated we were rhinos, and not once did they mention a dress code!

'We won't need menus. Just bring whatever is cooked. They'll eat it and like it.'

Man: 'Ohh COOL! After-dinner Mince!' a waiter delivering a bowl of mince meat to a couple

"Hey, how about putting some cheese on this cheeseburger?" "OK, but it'll cost ya."

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

"Do you promise to maintain strict waiter-patron confidentiality?"

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

Thomas Hardy

Newton had actually discovered gravity at a family dinner in his early childhood.

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

Diner

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

"Expense account or regular?"

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.