Dining Decorum Devotee Gifts

'Ringtone or No ringtones section?'

Hey, where are your manners? The squirrel pelt goes on your lap!

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"She'll have a Shirley Temple, and I'll have a Shirley Temple's mother."

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

Diner

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

"Expense account or regular?"

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

'How would you like your toast?'

'...and one 'death by chocolate', Sir.'

"The waiter said he wouldn't recommend the octopus, so what do you order? The octopus."

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

I always forget - is it white with dry food and red with wet food, or the other way around?

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

Dave's Hamburger Shop

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'

Emily's Slow Food Restaurant.

"A votre sante!"

"This IS a chicken fried steak!"

'Would you folks care for some fresh maple syrup on your pancakes?'

"I'll just have a small salad. . . say 400 pounds of fresh river vegetation."

A train's dining car is a diner.

"Take your time. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

A short-order cook gets sucked into the exhaust vent over the grill.

'We can't serve you the businessman's lunch because you don't look the business type.'

You know, Lars, you really should ask the waiter for a whine list. If it weren't for the fact that I can see the spelling in your word balloon, that insult would have gone right over my head.

"Is everything ok with your Emile?"

'...And an extra packet of crackers! It's our Anniversary!'

"Just a drop."