Dining Decorum Devotee Gifts

'Ringtone or No ringtones section?'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"She'll have a Shirley Temple, and I'll have a Shirley Temple's mother."

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

Diner

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

"Expense account or regular?"

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

'...and one 'death by chocolate', Sir.'

'How would you like your toast?'

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

"This IS a chicken fried steak!"

"A votre sante!"

Dave's Hamburger Shop

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

Emily's Slow Food Restaurant.

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'

A train's dining car is a diner.

"The last doggy bag."

'We can't serve you the businessman's lunch because you don't look the business type.'

"I'll just have a small salad. . . say 400 pounds of fresh river vegetation."

"Take your time. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

"We can serve a rare handburger, but because of health regulations, this room will have to be heated to 160 degrees."

"Is everything ok with your Emile?"

A short-order cook gets sucked into the exhaust vent over the grill.

"Just a drop."

'...And an extra packet of crackers! It's our Anniversary!'