Dining Decorum Defender Gifts

Pleasant!

"At least try to eat your soup in time with the music."

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"Hey, …. what's not to like?"

"Great coffee, Carole."

"Would you like to see the markup?"

"I hope he's wearing pants."

I always forget - is it white with dry food and red with wet food, or the other way around?

"This time, let's not just fill up on bread."

"The catch of the day is halibut. The day it was caught was last Tuesday."

'In case of emergency, break glass.'

"The last doggy bag."

"If you represent special interests, I can seat you immediately."

"Care to support the caterers courtesy campaign?" "Do you mind I'm trying to eat!"

'You are quite right, the soup is cold.'

'Well, at least he doesn't beg at the table.'

What can I get you? Coffee? Tea? Sandwich? The mackerel mocha sounds lovely. What's in it? The usual. Chocolate. Soy milk. Mackerel. Yes, but is the mackerel farm-raised or from the sea? Ocean. Atlantic? Pacific? Indian? Arctic? Antarctic? I'm not sure. Oh. Ok ... well what's the mackerel's mercury content? Negligible, I'm sure. Ok. Was it exposed to any chlorine? Or copper sulphate? Or malathion? Was it treated with kindness? Was it read stories and sung to before bedtime? Yes. Never mind, it s

"What a slobster."

'Is there a money back guarantee if the burrito isn't as big as your head?'

I'll have a hamburger.

"A table for two? Would you like chairs with that, madam?"

"So you mean to tell me that this business dinner actually involves business?"

'I was bringing your businessman's lunch, sir, but a Government bureaucrat confiscated it!'

"Now, who ordered the salad?"

"Once again, Dave blew the date when his instincts got the better of his etiquette."

"And would you like a divorce with that?"

'Smoking section, please.'

"As I told you before, I do not allow smoking in my restaurant..."

'Your waiter will be happy to point out our organic dishes if sir is feeling particularly gullible.'

'Whew! Looks like the Tuna Surprise isn't much of a hit!'

"The spaghetti is too al dente!"

"That tasted like s**t. We'll have another order of it."

'What wine goes with rubbery steak and cold vegetables?'

"Too rare, perhaps?"