Dining Etiquette Rebel Gifts

'Wine makes me sleepy.'

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Great coffee, Carole."

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

"I hope he's wearing pants."

"Must we discuss your worming right before dinner?"

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

"The last doggy bag."

"This time, let's not just fill up on bread."

"What a slobster."

"You've got a tiny piece of ginger in your mustache."

'Well, at least he doesn't beg at the table.'

"They don't allow cell phones."

"Care to support the caterers courtesy campaign?" "Do you mind I'm trying to eat!"

"Guys, remember, no feeding frenzy: Leave some for Grandpa to chew on..."

Screen Time at the Dining Table

"A table for two? Would you like chairs with that, madam?"

"This is what happens when you marry an obedience school dropout."

"Oh, but it's fine for you to hang out where I eat."

I'll have a hamburger.

"So you mean to tell me that this business dinner actually involves business?"

"How do you tell the Son of God He's got spinach in his teeth?"

The Last Dinner

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

"Why, yes, I am 'still working on that.' You know what I'm not working on? Your gratuity!"

'Smoking section, please.'

'Carlton! How many times have we told you not to scarf your food!?'

"As I told you before, I do not allow smoking in my restaurant..."