Diners Regular Gifts

Two men arguing over possession of a newspaper

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

'Who gets the decaf?'

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

Countervailing Clichés.

Diner

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

'How is the water prepared?'

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

'Can I have flies with that'

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

'How would you like your toast?'

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

Al's Diner. Special: Spaghetti. All You Can Eat $3.95. Ernie, don't play with your food unless you're sure you can win.

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

Choice hellhole

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'

Dave's Hamburger Shop

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

"The usual."

"This IS a chicken fried steak!"