Diners Regular Gifts

Two men arguing over possession of a newspaper

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

Countervailing Clichés.

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

'Who gets the decaf?'

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

Diner

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

'How is the water prepared?'

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

'Can I have flies with that'

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

'How would you like your toast?'

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

Choice hellhole

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

"A votre sante!"

Dave's Hamburger Shop

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

"Sorry Sir, but what exactly were you expecting to be served when you ordered the 'early bird special'."

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'