Diner Dive T-Shirts

'I think you'd better cut that guy off'

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

Alphabet soup gets cold for slow readers.

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

Countervailing Clichés.

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

'How is the water prepared?'

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

What's your thumb doing on my steak? Want me to drop it again?

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

'Oops! It's usually the devil to get any to come out!'

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

Zagat Rated.

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

"How 'local' is the fish?"

"I'll have your check in a moment, sir."

"Don't tell him anything."

'Your tea is getting cold.'

'Careful, the plate is really hot.'

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

'You made me jump,'