Digitally Confused Gifts

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

Daredevil on pc when doing stunt.

'Never trust emails. You can't shred them.'

"Remember you told me to put my client list on my computer."

"Turn on the news." "I will not comply." "My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you will grow depressed after the lead story." "There is a 95% probability you will then gorge yourself on rocky road ice cream and then stay up all night googling elliptical machines and diet pills." "Who told you this?" "Both your refrigerator and your browser are gossipy."

"But I brought you here so I wouldn't have to play with you."

How many times do I have to tell you. . . you're broke! Broke! Broke!

The other digital divide.

'Read ALL about IT! While we're STILL in Circulation!'

"I know it seems cruel, but it's the only way for him to get rid of that silly technophobia."

The benefit of an old-fashioned newspaper.

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

"They say it's the first sign of aging - not being able to keep up with new technology."

'This app that recommends what I read next works, but it's insulting. It referred me to a gas station restroom wall.'

'We need a memory upgrade ourselves to remember all these passwords.'

Philosophers studying meta-physical chemistry.

"If we're doing such a good job of keeping the devil away, how come we have so many of these infernal machines around here?"

"Well, if you can't trust software upgrades, who can you trust?"

'Darling you'll be so proud of me, I've just written my first email. Now I must rush to get it in the post.'

'Doctor, I just can't seem to relate to my computer equipment these days.'

Mousetrap has captured the wrong type of mouse.

"If your computer crashes alone in a forest, and no one complains, does IT respond?"

"Trust your instinct son, not the rubbish spewed on Social Media..."

Harvest Data Festival

Unsocial Media

'Miss Wayson, find out who put this computer on my desk and tell them to get it the hell out of here!'

"The account number you entered on your keypad is incorrect. Your phone will self destruct in minus ten seconds."

Jesus forgets to save.

"Jeez, dad. Your computer is so old it came with a flag to put up when you want to send an email."

No Connection.

"I'm not saying it's spying on us, but it's asking me to 'select all the images of yourself selecting all the images of yourself.'"