Digital Wellness Explorer Gifts

"No, this does not count as screen time."

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

'Fetching newspapers is over. Now I aggregate blogs for him.'

'We don't have a cure for your ailment but there is an appropriate app available.'

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

I applied for a job with NASA but they turned me down. I think it was because I told them I wanted to be an astronaut because in space, you can't cry because there's no gravity and tears can't flow.

Feel alienated by technology? Tell me more. Press 1 for yes, 2 for no.

'Sometimes I think if it wasn't for Lucy here, I'd go mad.'

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

Man Gives Computer Therapy/

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

Odd Spas

"Sale. Save 100% of your energy by closing this website. Close now. No, thanks."

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

"I have to tell you, I got a totally different diagnosis from someone named PookyPoo on medi-answer.com."

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

Spring branding on the Hashtag Ranch.

Deposit phones here

'My guru thinks you're nuts.'

"Tell you what, dude, I'm writing you a prescription for a scented candle and some granola."

Just one of the many ways self-help books can improve people's lives.

That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I will ask my Smart Phone

A man's health care options.

"I've been using the latest home tech and apps to monitor my health....And after feeding the results into some online medical sites I discovered I was dead!"

Sir, we have plenty of fine herbal tea for you to sample...but you're drinking the potpourri.

'This new diet drug comes as a pill, patch, or as a phone app with Siri saying, don't eat so much.'

''Why, I feel as light as a feather,' thought Shirley, 'I don't think I'll go on that diet, after all!'

"Hey Siri, why does my neck hurt?"

"Damn, Tyler, I thought you'd worked through all that in therapy."

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

'It was cheaper and less painful than a Gastric Band procedure...'

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

'You want to feel happy? There's an app for that.'