Digital Wellness Explorer Pillows

"No, this does not count as screen time."

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

'Fetching newspapers is over. Now I aggregate blogs for him.'

'We don't have a cure for your ailment but there is an appropriate app available.'

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

Feel alienated by technology? Tell me more. Press 1 for yes, 2 for no.

'Sometimes I think if it wasn't for Lucy here, I'd go mad.'

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

Odd Spas

"Sale. Save 100% of your energy by closing this website. Close now. No, thanks."

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

Man Gives Computer Therapy/

"I have to tell you, I got a totally different diagnosis from someone named PookyPoo on medi-answer.com."

Spring branding on the Hashtag Ranch.

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

'My guru thinks you're nuts.'

Just one of the many ways self-help books can improve people's lives.

"Tell you what, dude, I'm writing you a prescription for a scented candle and some granola."

Deposit phones here

That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I will ask my Smart Phone

A man's health care options.

Sir, we have plenty of fine herbal tea for you to sample...but you're drinking the potpourri.

'This new diet drug comes as a pill, patch, or as a phone app with Siri saying, don't eat so much.'

"I've been using the latest home tech and apps to monitor my health....And after feeding the results into some online medical sites I discovered I was dead!"

''Why, I feel as light as a feather,' thought Shirley, 'I don't think I'll go on that diet, after all!'

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

"Damn, Tyler, I thought you'd worked through all that in therapy."

'It was cheaper and less painful than a Gastric Band procedure...'

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

'You want to feel happy? There's an app for that.'

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'