Wellness Explorer Pillows

'On Mondays & Tuesdays, Dr. Pruess prractices conventional medicine; on Thursdays & Fridays, he practices alternative medicine.'

Sir, we have plenty of fine herbal tea for you to sample...but you're drinking the potpourri.

"Try distance healing if you like, but it's a bit of a long shot"

"Mind, body, spirit."

"I can deal with the cold, but the fear that this might not be the answer to all my problems is beginning to get to me."

"I appreciate your desire for a new photo ID following your significant weight loss, but our policy to decline your request is based on the sad reality that you're probably going to gain it all back."

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

Unguided imagery

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

"And this is a $20,000 ‘meditation room’ — can you believe it?!!"

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

I applied for a job with NASA but they turned me down. I think it was because I told them I wanted to be an astronaut because in space, you can't cry because there's no gravity and tears can't flow.

'Looks like Shelia has overdone it with the cream scones this week!'

'Sometimes I think if it wasn't for Lucy here, I'd go mad.'

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

Ed finally had to admit that his body was less of a temple and more of a worn-out parish church with a bouncy castle out front.

"Here they come: Detox and Botox."

Deep in the Heart of Texas: The Cholesterol Kid.

"I've never seen Tia Carmen so excited about a grand opening."

'Where the hell's my app for happiness?'

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

"Ever since the accident, I can't seem to get it together."

Extreme Naturopathic Medicine.

How are you feeling, Al? I couldn't be happier, Dr. Kapuchnik. Gee, that's great. No, I mean I wanted to be happier, but I couldn't.

"Krazy straw"

Odd Spas

Card: Get Human Soon!

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

Lactose intolerance.

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

Just one of the many ways self-help books can improve people's lives.

'My guru thinks you're nuts.'

“I’m not out of shape — I’m just not used to running so much.”

Yoga. Welcome back! Thank you. Why did you stop coming? I couldn't decide if I liked yoga, or