Digital Wellness Seeker Gifts

"Sale. Save 100% of your energy by closing this website. Close now. No, thanks."

Deposit phones here

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

"According to my phone, society is on the brink of collapse, but, according to our living room, things seem pretty O.K."

"I'm sorry, but the doctor no longer sees patients in person. But he does take e-mail from 9 to 3."

Man Gives Computer Therapy/

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

'You mean that carrying around this heavy weight belly 24 hours a day isn't enoght exercise, doc?!'

"I got a chocolate bar and gum!" "What the #!@* is 'CBD oil'?!"

"I'd like to see something in a size 6...me!"

"I've been using the latest home tech and apps to monitor my health....And after feeding the results into some online medical sites I discovered I was dead!"

"Hey Siri, why does my neck hurt?"

'If I do decide to get a second opinion, can I get it at your blog?'

"Take two aspirin and email me in the morning."

M.D. We call it "MySpace Wrist." Stop taking pictures of yourself.

"Well sorry doc, but that's not the reading I get from my digital wrist heart monitor."

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

"Everything I see looks like a website captcha. I'm either having vision problems, or I'm spending too much time online."

"I run a weight loss site, and my friend here runs a bodybuilding site."

"It's the only way I can get some of my patience to listen to me!"

Cyber-Cise: 'Let's start with 3 sets of 8 reps of uploading, rest and repeat for downloading.'

"Mom, I can't take the stress of social media. I'm running away from my home page!"

"Sorry, honey. Did we wake you with our weeping and gnashing of teeth?"

"I don't like it when he bangshis heyboard when he gets frustrated with his computer. But he needs the exercise."

"The doctor says your vital signs are strong, but the IT guy says your portal password is weak."

'Nurse Nodnik will be live blogging the operation.'

"So, how do you like your new medical website?"

"Alright, let's Google those symptoms and see what we come up with."

"I'm so much more relaxed since I got this mindfulness app."

Walkathon for corn and bunion sufferers.

Worried too much/Worried too little

Mobile Prison

'I'm downloading an exercise manual.'

Man with no one to phone on his mobile.

'To see how the ward is doing you just need to use your smartphone to set up a wi-fi hotspot which you can use to download a pdf of the data.'