Digital Health Nerd Gifts

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

"We need to update your entire operating system."

'I believe we got your blood pressure back up to normal.'

"I'm sorry, but the doctor no longer sees patients in person. But he does take e-mail from 9 to 3."

"My doctor says you should be drawing more fruits and vegetables."

Man Gives Computer Therapy/

"Just think of this prescription as an app for your body...with side effects."

"Sale. Save 100% of your energy by closing this website. Close now. No, thanks."

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

Deposit phones here

'This new diet drug comes as a pill, patch, or as a phone app with Siri saying, don't eat so much.'

"I've been using the latest home tech and apps to monitor my health....And after feeding the results into some online medical sites I discovered I was dead!"

"Take two aspirin and email me in the morning."

'If I do decide to get a second opinion, can I get it at your blog?'

"Well sorry doc, but that's not the reading I get from my digital wrist heart monitor."

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

The Diabetic Hummingbird Feeder

"I run a weight loss site, and my friend here runs a bodybuilding site."

"It's the only way I can get some of my patience to listen to me!"

"Everything I see looks like a website captcha. I'm either having vision problems, or I'm spending too much time online."

"We saw a movie about mononucleosis in health class. It was called, 'Germs of Endearment.'"

Cyber-Cise: 'Let's start with 3 sets of 8 reps of uploading, rest and repeat for downloading.'

"So, how do you like your new medical website?"

"The doctor says your vital signs are strong, but the IT guy says your portal password is weak."

'Nurse Nodnik will be live blogging the operation.'

"I'm so much more relaxed since I got this mindfulness app."

"Well, if you followed me on twitter, you'd already know your diagnosis."

'I love this RX site - I can look up prices for all of my unaffordable medicine around town!'

"What an interesting article about why looking at your phone before bed is bad."

"He won the Nobel prize for science. He invented the vibrating tampon."

"Stop complaining. If you hadn't spent all day in a donut shop you wouldn't have to lose 3.5 stones so we could lift off."