Digital Manipulator Gifts

Boss, the health inspector is here. Excellent. My hacker just finished restoring all the inspector's social media posts dating back to 1994. Tell him "It'd be a shame if someone's career were ruined by a 20-year-old video of him doing the Macarena in the buff." Don't wink too much. But not too little, either. Very bad man.

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

Networking

"Sorry, website closed for lunch."

'She posted her first blog today.'

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

'Let's pretend I'm a business owner and you're the janitorial service...'

I wish you kids would get off your electronics and learn a practical skill. Work with your hands! What does he think we're doing?!! Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap.

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

'Working on my computer save me loads of spare time. To do more stuff on my computer.'

"I'm right here. Focused!"

'Tell them there'll be no retaliation, then check with the chiefs of staff, the media and our major allies what leeway we have in the adapted dissuasion department.'

'I need a text-mail interpreter.'

The power of the blog.

"How long do you think we'll get away with it?"

'He's already surfing without nappies!'

'He's out massaging,manipulating and monopolising.'

'Computer editing software with an obnoxious ego.' 'Look, you really don't want to say that, do you?'

"Everything I needed to know I learned from my mother - but I usually follow up with a YouTube video for verification purposes."

"Hang on. . . I think I've got an app for that."

'Done! We're now on Santa's 'nice' list.'

Turning a business graph around to get a positive reading.

"Whoa, too much information!"

Stroller Cellphone

"Opportunity came knocking once, but I missed it. I was expecting a tweet."

New diet. Look. 1,000,000 visitor. Buy. EOA. Survey. Tired of . Eye test for internet users.

Powerful computer

"You're on kid. Break a string!"

"My eyes are burning - I think I'm being Googled."

"A huge breakthrough from our research and development team. . . they've figure out a way to fool all of the people all of the time!"

"I know why it's not working properly. You bought the iPad Amateur instead of the iPad Pro."

"Need help with your computer project? I have two teens at home."

'Does Santa have skype?. . . I'd like to get in some face time, so he puts me at the top of his list come December. . .'

"Dennis, I would like to talk to you for a minute-off-line."

'My business card is large to accommodate my website URL, email, Twitter address, Facebook address, fax number, voice mail, private line number, cell number and Tumbir address.'