Chart Manipulator Gifts

"How long do you think we'll get away with it?"

Turning a business graph around to get a positive reading.

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

A presenter with a very complex chart to explain a business plan - 'And it's as simple as that!'

'I think I know what the problem is!'

"One of the most compelling graphic presentations I've ever seen!"

Three businessmen using a pulley system to change a graph

"It's his ego growth chart."

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

He then drew a number of smaller pie charts behind the bigger chart. That helped to put it into perspective.

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

Us. Everyone else. My research shows that we are the only statistics company sill using pie charts displayed on an easel.

Wearing a sales chart as a name badge.

'I tried everything to turn this around but if the cops ask, I was here in this room with you guys all week.'

Financial chart with frowny and smiley faces.

'Tell them there'll be no retaliation, then check with the chiefs of staff, the media and our major allies what leeway we have in the adapted dissuasion department.'

"We're estimating that sales are now up to about here."

"Now at this point reality intruded."

'I don't know what it means in the stock market, but in the medical profession it means you're dead!'

Sales down - Blood pressure up.

"We don't believe in miracles. We rely on them."

"Helen, is it just the accountant in me, or am I sensing a tone of wistful melancholy and a bittersweet acceptance of the unfathomable mysteries of corporate life in those numbers?"

"Congratulations on your entertaining presentation skills Smith, and the way they hide your dismal sales figures!"

"The bottom line is that we're going out on our bottoms!"

'Nicely done. You may have double-vision, but it's 20-20, 20-20.'

"Buy insulation. . . sell futures."

'This chart has no correlation to data. It's just to us feel good about our big bonuses and perks.'

"No, I'm afraid Pluto is never in the dog house."

'I'd like to see us start making a little more of this money, up here.'

Flowcharts.

'Okay, here's an abandoned storage locker with some random data that may or may not be useful. We'll start the bidding at $50...'

"Civic responsibility, ethics, and a dedication to the people we serve; they're killing our business."

Bicycle Pie Chart

"I need the saw again."

"A huge breakthrough from our research and development team. . . they've figure out a way to fool all of the people all of the time!"