Chart Contemplator Gifts

"Helen, is it just the accountant in me, or am I sensing a tone of wistful melancholy and a bittersweet acceptance of the unfathomable mysteries of corporate life in those numbers?"

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

"For my next trick, I shall turn four consecutive quarters of losses into a positive outlook going forward."

"Shall we put it in play?"

Differing thoughts of male and female.

'I brought Simmons here on board to use his powers of levitation on our customer intelligence.'

Lazy man contemplates the moment of creation.

'I just can't keep up with the conversations in deep space.'

His new 'Absence of Anything' reminds me strangely of his earlier blank 'Nothing to Say' canvasses."

"Shhh - he's trying open his third nostril."

"Actually, There's a lot less pressure since I've gone from his best friend to his therapy dog."

'We cut it into teensy-weensy squares.'

'You still can't take it with you, but we now offer cloud storage for intellectual properties.'

'What I especially like about being a philosopher-scientist is that I don't have to get my hands dirty.'

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

'What? -- I send you all this great sunlight, and you waste it growing PROTOPLASM?'

'We may think 2012 is over, but history books are full of things we thought were over.'

'Since the universe is rapidly expanding, there's a lot more that we have to worry about now.'

This plaque commemorates the trees that was cut down to make space for this bench.

'I understand the Adirondacks are where it's REALLY happening.'

"Too busy."

Apocalipsis

'If you had respect for ecology, you'd resist defacing nature's handiwork with your mindless graffiti!'

"Flat-earthers and round-earthers reach a compromise."

Man reading magazine: 'International Procrastinator.'

"This human experiment has gone on long enough. Give the hippos control."

Euro crisis

"I bark, therefore I am."

"Totality was great, but now that it's over I'm like, 'What am I even doing?'"

'Hey, don't look at me -- I was AGAINST free will.'

Meditation for dogs

"Pay no attention. It's his way of telling us he needs a lot of space."

"I wonder if there's life as we know it on other planets."

'Binary' monk demonstrates computer skills.