Cardio Contemplator Gifts

"I've given up trying to do a cardio workout."

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

Sisyphus during Covid

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

"Of course, in cosmic years, we're still quite young."

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"Shall we put it in play?"

Lazy man contemplates the moment of creation.

"And what would you like to regret later?"

"Helen, is it just the accountant in me, or am I sensing a tone of wistful melancholy and a bittersweet acceptance of the unfathomable mysteries of corporate life in those numbers?"

"I let go of all my earthly attachments, but there's one I can't seem to shake."

'We're cutting you some slack because you just died but normally we frown on devil's food.'

'I just can't keep up with the conversations in deep space.'

"Shhh - he's trying open his third nostril."

'What I especially like about being a philosopher-scientist is that I don't have to get my hands dirty.'

Buffering

"While Covid is still our top story scientists remain focused on Earth's pending collision with Jupiter."

'What? -- I send you all this great sunlight, and you waste it growing PROTOPLASM?'

'We may think 2012 is over, but history books are full of things we thought were over.'

'Since the universe is rapidly expanding, there's a lot more that we have to worry about now.'

Apocalipsis

"Flat-earthers and round-earthers reach a compromise."

"This human experiment has gone on long enough. Give the hippos control."

'This looks good. It's a six-hour special on how society is becoming too sedentary.'

"Totality was great, but now that it's over I'm like, 'What am I even doing?'"

"Goddess of Good give me strength! I must. . . get. . . off. . . the. . . internet!"

"I bark, therefore I am."

Today is the first day of the rest of my life, Axel. Is that the good news or the bad news?

"Oh, to be a Mayfly."

At first she didn't want to live if it meant being attached to tubes. But before you knew it, they were getting along just fine.

'Hey, don't look at me -- I was AGAINST free will.'

Meditation for dogs

"Pay no attention. It's his way of telling us he needs a lot of space."

"I wonder if there's life as we know it on other planets."

We only go around once