Caloric Contemplator Gifts

"And what would you like to regret later?"

Academics At The Beach: The Old Man And The Sea

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

Experts through the ages.

"Shall we put it in play?"

Differing thoughts of male and female.

"Honey, close the fridge door while you're thinking!"

Lazy man contemplates the moment of creation.

'We're cutting you some slack because you just died but normally we frown on devil's food.'

'We cut it into teensy-weensy squares.'

'I just can't keep up with the conversations in deep space.'

"Shhh - he's trying open his third nostril."

"I let go of all my earthly attachments, but there's one I can't seem to shake."

'Before you order, perhaps you'd like to discuss your food issues with our eating therapist.'

US Dollar weakens.

'What? -- I send you all this great sunlight, and you waste it growing PROTOPLASM?'

"It may not be the lowest cal, but it's low enough cal for me."

'Hundreds of years of medical progress, and all you can tell me to do is eat less?'

'Since the universe is rapidly expanding, there's a lot more that we have to worry about now.'

Man reading magazine: 'International Procrastinator.'

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

"Flat-earthers and round-earthers reach a compromise."

Apocalipsis

"This human experiment has gone on long enough. Give the hippos control."

'This looks good. It's a six-hour special on how society is becoming too sedentary.'

Ken wandered home wondering what the lunar new year would bring. . . like every other man and his dog.

"I bark, therefore I am."

"Totality was great, but now that it's over I'm like, 'What am I even doing?'"

'Hey, don't look at me -- I was AGAINST free will.'

Meditation for dogs

"I wonder if there's life as we know it on other planets."

"Pay no attention. It's his way of telling us he needs a lot of space."

'Attaining harmony with the universe is a gradual process. You need to start with a cease-fire.'

A Cow Funeral.