Fitness Contemplator Gifts

"No more tryin' to chase 'em down for me! From now on, I'm a stop or I'll shoot cop!"

"I work out in preparation for being out of shape for the next 30 years."

Critisize your weight.

Sisyphus during Covid

"Smoke a cigar that fits your face."

An old man exercising with hourglasses

Guy in gym

Professional woman in pub

"1971... 2015..."

"When did everybody stop jogging?"

"And what would you like to regret later?"

'We're cutting you some slack because you just died but normally we frown on devil's food.'

'On my new diet I can eat anything I want, but have to walk 500 miles a day.'

"Up here everything is pretty much opposite."

'We may think 2012 is over, but history books are full of things we thought were over.'

Money isn't everything, but then, what is?

"How much does it cost to buy a membership then never use it?"

'This looks good. It's a six-hour special on how society is becoming too sedentary.'

"Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body. . ."

'Is $8.5 million really worth all this?'

'Maybe I've got washboard abs underneath - you ever think that?'

'Seems like we're all too old, unfit, overweight. . .'

If fifty is the new seventy, when is the new dead?

"Daddy is fiscally buff."

'Was it the spinach, or was Popeye on steroids?'

"Ugh . . . nevermind."

"Your training begins just as it did with the masters of old... with positive affirmations and five minutes of low-impact cardio."

"I wonder what happened in all those other timelines?"

'With the handy remote you can adjust your exercise program from the couch.'

"I do want to be healthy but not so healthy that I miss out on my unhealthy eating habits."

'I've tried to be good, but facts are facts, I'm bad cholesterol.'

"Yeah, but for a fat guy who doesn't exercise I'm in pretty good shape."