Calorie Contemplator Gifts

'We're cutting you some slack because you just died but normally we frown on devil's food.'

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

Professional woman in pub

"Shall we put it in play?"

Lazy man contemplates the moment of creation.

"And what would you like to regret later?"

"Shhh - he's trying open his third nostril."

'We cut it into teensy-weensy squares.'

"I let go of all my earthly attachments, but there's one I can't seem to shake."

'I just can't keep up with the conversations in deep space.'

'What I especially like about being a philosopher-scientist is that I don't have to get my hands dirty.'

'What? -- I send you all this great sunlight, and you waste it growing PROTOPLASM?'

'We may think 2012 is over, but history books are full of things we thought were over.'

'Since the universe is rapidly expanding, there's a lot more that we have to worry about now.'

Apocalipsis

"Flat-earthers and round-earthers reach a compromise."

"This human experiment has gone on long enough. Give the hippos control."

'This looks good. It's a six-hour special on how society is becoming too sedentary.'

'He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, who cares...'

"I bark, therefore I am."

"Totality was great, but now that it's over I'm like, 'What am I even doing?'"

'Hey, don't look at me -- I was AGAINST free will.'

Meditation for dogs

"Pay no attention. It's his way of telling us he needs a lot of space."

"I wonder if there's life as we know it on other planets."

'Attaining harmony with the universe is a gradual process. You need to start with a cease-fire.'

"I'm sorry but a fat, guzzling wife cannot be classed as a consumable."

Alcohol 'Nector of the Gods' 'Devils Brew!'

'I've tried to be good, but facts are facts, I'm bad cholesterol.'

"Sometimes I wonder if there's more to life than unlocking the mysteries of the universe."

Give them another eclipse. The last one actually made them quite for a few minutes!

"If I were a dog I'd only be nine years old."

'!!X@#!! Reincarnation!'